Rejection after a Herpes Diagnosis: 3 Reasons Why It Happens
Rejection as a whole is a legit fear. It sucks, it hurts and we feel like we’re failures. We just put our heart or effort into something to have it not work out. Rejection can look like not getting invited to the sleepover when you’re in the 6th grade, or not getting into the University of your choice, to not getting the job and so on. Now we add rejection when it comes to love or what we think is love. I mean when you really like that guy or girl, to have them ghost you really hurts.
I got genital herpes when I was 28. I had had my heart broken 3 times before turning 28 and none of it had to do with herpes. Each time I cried, drank wine with my girl friends and then eventually got back into the dating world. Basically I got back on horse.
So why do rejections happen with a herpes diagnosis?
Here’s 3 reasons:
- Not accepting your herpes diagnosis
- He or she is not educated on it
- He or she is not into you
So now let’s enter the world of dating with herpes. We freak out now that we have to disclose and think that there is no way anybody in their right mind is gong to accept you because you have herpes. Well, that’s not true. But it takes you accepting that you have herpes. Let me explain.
We create our own boundaries and our own truths all the time. If you truly believe that having herpes makes you an undeserving, dirty and worthless person, than that is your truth. If that’s your truth then you will project that on to the person you’re dating. This right here is a bad situation.
Before we even get to dealing with the rejection I want to talk about dating. Before we even get out there we need to do lots of self work. Thinking of ourselves in a loathing way will only take us down. I encourage you to break down piece by piece.
Now let’s talk about the second reason, the person not being educated on herpes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say so many false things about herpes. Thinks like you’re going to die. And you can never touch people again. And of course the name calling and so on. Then the next worse thing is turning to Google where there are scary pictures and so much misinformation.
This is such a perfect situation for the person to be like, peace out. I’m not going near that. And can you blame them? I mean if they really think they are going to die then do you blame them?
This is when you get to educate them with the facts on herpes. You’re already learning because you’re here and there’s a ton of resources for you. Explaining that it's so common; 2 out of 3 people have HSV 1 and 1 out of 6 people have HSV 2, and that there are ways to prevent transmission to a partner, and that the biggest issue is the stigma. These things are really crucial when it comes to disclosing.
Ok and the last part of why someone rejects you for having herpes…they just are not into you. I know that hurts especially if you felt like the sparks were flying. But in every relationship there are risks and weather we realize it or not we take risks and put our trust in our partner. I think we’ve all dated or been on a date when we’re just not into them and you can’t run away fast enough. Even if that person invited you on a first class trip to Paris there is no way you’d go. Okay, maybe you’d go but then you’d run. (lol). There is noting right or wrong with this, it just is. I can remember I’d break up or not go on dates with guys because I didn’t like their fingernails or because they didn’t drink wine. Now I can only imagine if they would have told me they had herpes. I’d be like peace out!
So back to rejection. Yes, it hurts. But it’s part of life. With or without herpes it happens. The hurt and pain is still there but we put an emphasis on the fact that it was herpes. I’d bet that herpes didn’t really have that much to do with it. It was probably something else and because we shared we have herpes it just tee-balled it for them. By disclosing we have herpes we give them the perfect out.
OK, so as you can see there’s a lot to digest with this one. Disclosing we have herpes is a very tender thing and we want to make sure we do it right. That is why we have the, “Tell Your Partner Toolkit”. It has 14 videos that share how to disclose to a past partner, a one night stand and even a future long term partner. There are scrips that you can use and so much more. It’s all right here for you in one spot. I personally wish I had it when I was in my Eeyore phase and ready to date.