120: Reason's To Date Even With Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka


Life With Herpes

I have to imagine that dating has been around since the first humas roamed this earth. Finding love, compaionship, friendship and the desire to reproduce is just in our DNA. And from my opinion it’s in pretty much every species DNA. Now, don’t quote me on that, I’m in no way a National Geographic or Animal Planet expert. But what I’m saying is we are born to desire companionship and reproduce. If we didn’t have that then our specise would be extint.

Clearly as humas we’re here and were thriving so the union, companionship and lust is still pretty strong. In my opinion over the years, there’s been this huge pressure to find the right one a young age and then settle down and work on building your dreams together. Well.. can we all agree it’s not that easy.

To singles dating is looked at as this daunting activity and to married people it’s looked at as go have fun and enjoy. I guess the grass will always be greener.

Now I can say that there were times in my life when I loved dating and there were times in my life where I was so over it. I can honestly say now that I’m married that I don’t miss that phase of my life but I’m super glad I had about a decade of dating.

Are you wondering when I’m going to get to the dating and herpes?

Ok so let’s get to it. When you’re diagnosed with herpes one of the thoughts that haunts you is who will ever date me now. The thought of being wrothless or no longer equal to the non herpes dating community or that you now have this huge secret and you’re scared of the rejection.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t end the reationship with the guy who gave me herpes for about 2 years because I was so scared to get out there and I thought I’d be alone. I knew that I had to build my confidence before I could move on. Once I was ready to get out there and dated I made the decison to say yes to anyone who asked me. I decicded to have fun with it. I decided to enjoy this time on my life because I knew that I wouldnt be here forever and this phase would come to an end. And you know what… I learned a ton along the way.

Here are some great reasons to get out there and date. Yes, even though you have herpes.

You Learn More About Who You Are

This is so great. You think you know who you are because I mean, you’re you. But when you start dating thinks might get poined out to you or you might have some big ah ha moments. This might sound silly but when I was 19 I went out on a date with a guy and on that date he opened the car door for me. I was stopped in my tracks. I’d never had a date do that for me. I didn’t know that I really like it when he did that. It made me feel special, and it made me feel feminin and I’d get all giddy inside. I learned from then on that that was something that was important to me. And if you’re wondering yes, my husband opens my door for me every time. Now this migh not be importatnt to you but my point is you’ll pick up on something that will be a deal breaker.

You Learn More About Who You Want To Find As A Partner

So with this I mean you’ll be better at learnin whats importatnt to you with lifestyle and the more people you date you’ll get better at weeding out the ones who you don’t jibe with. I mean let’s think about it… do we all have that hight school crush. Either the senior quaterback or the hot valdictorial or whoever? We all have that one crush. So I had a HUGE crush on this one guy. I mean huge and I wasn’t allowed to date him becase he was a senior and I was a freshman and my parents shut that down asap. But I got the chanse to go on a date with him when I was in my late 20’s. It was like a dream come true. I mean I daydreamed about him all the time and now 10 years later I get to go on a date. Well, let me tell you, he’s an awesome guy and I have noting bad to say abou this personality and who he is as a person but I have to say that when we went out he wasn’t the cursh I used to have. I realised our lifestyles were different our political views were differend our religios belives were different and theses were all pretty big deals to me. My point is, had I not dated many differe people in that timeframe since my freshman year in highschool I wouldn’t have known that these differences would have been really importatnt to me.

You Get To Get Good At Disclosing About Herpes

I know this is something you never wanted to be good at but let’s look at it as a positive. You can get really good at your disclosre. Now as you know I feel you don’t need to disclose unless you’re going to expose someone to herpes. And just beaxuase you’re going on a date or dating it doesn’t mean you have to sleep together. What this means is you can decide if you want to practice on the person sitting across from you. Sometimes you’ll be on a date and you know you  have no intrest in persuing this to a second dated. So why not give yourself a dress rehersal? What’s the worst that can happen...you never see them agian?

You Get To Have Fun And Meet New People

Ok I know there’s other ways to do this but a lot of times your date can end up becoming a great friend and even introduce you to a whole new sphere of people you’d like to be friends with. And going on dates can be really fun. The key is not to have your wedding planned out before you even go on date 1. Have fun planning a date or have fun being taken out. You get to try new restaurants or go to new places in your city that maybe you’ve never been too or even to try something new. We get so caught up in is this person worth my time and will this person be the one that we forget to have fun along the way.

Ok so at the end of the day, dating is an important part of learning who you are and what you want in your life and what you want from your partner. Basically, herpes should never be in control of your life and your decisions. It shouldn't prevent you from dating, it shouldn't prevent you from following your dreams and it should never prevent you from living your life.

I’m curious to hear your take on dating. Let me know in the comments below.




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