124: Dating Apps The Pros And Cons's And Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka

Life With Herpes


Today we’re going to talk about dating and online dating when it comes to herpes. I get asked frequently about being able to date even though you have herpes. Dating can be a scary and daunting period. I mean… we set out to find love, companionship, lust, and friendship in a partner. Not to mention all the other little lifestyle factors that have to come into play.

The way we act today as humans is so different than before smartphones and the internet. Back even 10 years ago we could sit at a Starbucks and strike up a conversation with someone there. We could strike up a convo while in line at the grocery store or even ask the cute bank teller out (I totally did this). The point I’m making is that we didn’t have our noses in our phones or earbuds in our ears playing our favorite podcast. We were out and even if we didn’t think we were being extroverts and social but we were.

Now, it’s so easy to hide behind our computer at work or go home and have everything we want at our fingertips from Netflix to Uber Eats to endless hours of scrolling through Insta. Before all of this we’d have to go to blockbuster to rent a movie and unless it was pizza we’d have to go out to eat and Insta wasn’t even invented.

So online dating is something that has opened doors for us through the use of technology. I can remember about 15 years ago when online dating came out and there were so many people who were not in favor of this trend.  I can remember girlfriends saying that they want to meet Mr. Right the old fashioned way. Or couples that actually did meet online and found love and got married would sometimes change their story of how they met. They were embarrassed to say that they met online.

Fast forward to now and online dating is a norm. There’s estimated to be over 2500 sites out there serving millions of people worldwide. There some that are specific to age, income, lifestyle, religion, race and yep...even herpes.

As we’ve discussed many many many times dating and herpes is one of the biggest fears that we have once we’re diagnosed. We wonder if we’re deserving of love and if anyone will ever love us with this disease. Well, you know how I feel about that...its all bull shit and it’s the stigma that’s putting those thoughts in your mind. But regardless, I get how terrifying it can be to disclose to someone new about having herpes and the fear of rejection can be paralyzing. So a great solution is online dating. Here are some pros and cons of the online dating world:

The Pros Of Online Dating

Differentiate Between Dating, Hooking up & Gettin Married

This is something you can make clear by your profile or through your initial conversations. A lot of times the dating application will ask you if you’re looking for friends, casual dating or if you’re looking to get serious and settle down. This is all great news and easy to set the expectations for your future dates

Expands Your Pool Of Potentials

With online dating, you get to expand your reach to people you might have never met by chance. Hey as we all know dating is a numbers game so the more people you meet the chances are you’ll find someone you connect with. The old fashioned way of dating only allows you to go so far in your sphere of friends vs a large online dating database.


You get to specify your personality interest and what you’re looking for in a date. If you love scuba diving and want to meet a scuba diving partner then boom you can make that a requirement.

Disclosing About Your Herpes Diagnosis

A huge benefit to online dating is finding online herpes dating communities. There’s a list to pick from obviously but one of the benefits is knowing that you're preaching to the choir when you disclose about genital herpes. This is awesome!!!!  

The Cons Of Online Dating

Dangers Of The Unknown

As we all know people can not really be who they say they are. This is nothing new but it’s become really easy to create a profile or become someone else through social media.  Since it’s super easy to just click some buttons or add photos from 1995 we don’t really know who the person is that we're going on a date with. I mean you can’t really ask for bank statements, do a background check and ask for medical records on the first date. Most of the time people are honest and good but we’ve all heard those horror stories of the dual personality and people who are married with a separate family. Yes, this can happen without online dating but usually, you date someone in your sphere so you’ll know something about them.

Time Consuming To Build A Profile & Communicate

Online dating can be time cosuming. As you know from past experience or could imagine there’s a ton of questions that are asked to pull together your profile and then link you to people who will be a good match. This process can take time up front. Not to mention the time you’ll spend swiping around in the app and chatting with people who wink at you. To some, this can be fun but for others, it’s just a time suck.

One Dimensional Conversation

Your conversation will be one-dimensional meaning you’re only communicating at first through the app or text. Yes, this can be on you’re own time but also when you’re only texting you don’t get to know peoples voices, humor, humility or even feel out their chemistry. Yes once you go out and meet them you’ll see this but you could pass on someone just because you’re not a texter.

Software's In Control Of Who You Meet

Earlier we talked about the software being a pro because it can introduce you to people you most likely wouldn't have come across because they’re not in your sphere. But a con can be that the software or your settings control who you meet. So for example, I would have never been matched with my husband because I had criteria of only dating someone 10 years older. Now of course if I met someone in person and they were 12 or 15 years older I’d accept a date but if I were putting this on my profile I would have had to draw the line at something. Thus I’d never had me, Bill, because he’s 20 years older than I. So sometimes putting the restrictions on can prevent an introduction.

As you can see there’s a ton to think about when it comes to taking the steps to date and then, of course, the steps to online date. Regardless of the decision, you pick it’s the right one for you. Not ways are right for everyone. If you're looking for a great herpes online dating site I personally recommend Dating Positives. You can go here to learn more about them.


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