113: Talking about Sex and Herpes and Getting Tested with Alexandra Harbushka

Life With Herpes


We have no problem talking about what’s going on in our lives or what we want for dinner but when it comes to talking about sex we all act like little kids that got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Basically, we freeze and run away.

Sound familiar?

Be honest… have you always had “the talk” before getting naked with someone?

Right. That’s what I thought. And why?

Because we don’t know how to have the talk. The sex talk is something that old people do or something that kills the vibe or something that isn’t necessary because you’d never sleep with someone who has anything.

That’s all bull sh*t and you know it. It truly boils down to we’re not educated on how to have this conversation. Also, we think that if we have the convo then the person won’t like us or they will think we’re too much work to get into bed.

This is your health and you’re life we’re talking about! You have one body and it’s only your body. Love it! Respect it! And talk about it!

We can’t go back on the past. Or look at past relationship and say I shoulda coulda or woulda, but what we can do is get good at this uncomfortable conversation for our future lovers and romp sessions.

Never ever be afraid to ask someone about their sexual health. Jumping into bed with someone whether you’ve known them for years or you just met tonight at the bar it’s your responsibility to talk about safe sex. It’d be like jumping into a car with a drunk driver or diving into the pool with no water on it. I know this sounds extream but it is!

Here’s what you need to ask...

Ask about their sexual health.

Lead with questions like; Hey have you been tested for STD’s? This is a good icebreaker to get the convo started.

There will be 3 responses either; they will say oh yea and I was good,  or the yes and I’ve had an STD. Or there’s the occasional nah… I’d never sleep with anyone who has anything. BTW… that last one is a huge red flag!!!

Let them know you want to get tested before you both sleep together.

Again, this part sounds so over dramatic but back to what I mentioned before...this is your body and your health. I know I already have herpes...I know I don’t want anything else. Herpes was my wake up call so let it be yours too. This way you both know going into it.

Are you in a monogamous relationship?

This can be a super uncomfortable question to ask especially if you want it to be monogamous and you know your partner is out with other people. You can decide how to proceed based on the answer you get or what you both want. My recommendation is if you’re not in a monogamous sexual relationship would be to use condoms, female condoms, and dental dams.  Also get STD tested as often as possible, perhaps monthly. Sleeping with multiple people doesn’t mean you’re going to get an STD but it’s a numbers game so it does increase your chances to do what you can to protect yourself and your partner.


In case you needed a link to Planned Parenthood here it is. 

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