We're Promoting Sexual Freedom, but Shaming STDs Like Herpes

We Claim to Be Sex-Positive—So Why the Double Standard?

We live in an era that celebrates sexual liberation—open relationships, casual dating, and body positivity are mainstream. Yet, despite all this progress, herpes stigma remains one of the last socially acceptable forms of shame.

Think about it:

We encourage people to explore their sexuality without judgment.
We preach acceptance for all kinds of relationships.
We normalize conversations about pleasure, kinks, and sexual health.

But the moment someone mentions herpes? Cue the awkward silence, the side-eye, the whispered jokes.

How is that not hypocritical?

Herpes Shaming Is Rooted in Ignorance—Not Facts

Let’s get real: Herpes is a skin condition caused by a virus. It’s not a moral failing. It’s not a sign of being "dirty" or "reckless." And yet, the stigma around it is so strong that many people would rather live in secrecy than face potential judgment.

Here’s the irony:

70-80 % of adults have HSV-1.
1 in 6 people have HSV-2.
Most people with herpes don’t even know they have it.

So why are we acting like it’s some rare, shameful thing?

Sexual Freedom Should Include STI Acceptance

True sexual freedom isn’t just about doing what you want—it’s about removing the shame that comes with it. That means:

✔ Normalizing herpes (and other STIs) as a common part of human life.

✔ Recognizing that safe sex ≠ zero risk—just like driving a car doesn’t mean zero chance of an accident.

✔ Understanding that someone’s STI status doesn’t define their worth.

If we can celebrate sexual exploration, we must also normalize the realities that come with it. Otherwise, we’re just cherry-picking which parts of sexuality are "acceptable."

The Real Harm of Herpes Shaming

This stigma isn’t harmless. It has real consequences:

People avoid testing because they fear the diagnosis.
Relationships suffer due to fear of rejection.
Mental health declines because of internalized shame.

Worst of all? The stigma is often worse than the virus itself. Most people with herpes live completely normal lives—outbreaks can be managed, transmission can be reduced, and love/sex/dating don’t stop. But the shame? That sticks around.

How Do We Fix This?

Stop the jokes. Herpes isn’t a punchline—it’s something millions of people live with.
Talk openly. The more we normalize herpes, the faster the stigma dies.
Educate yourself. Most herpes fears come from misinformation. Learn the facts.
Demand better representation. Where are the herpes-positive stories in media?

Liberation Means No Shame

If we truly believe in sexual freedom, we have to extend that freedom to everyone—including those with herpes. No caveats, no exceptions.

Because real sexual liberation isn’t just about doing what you want—it’s about accepting others (and yourself) without shame.

Ready to join a community that gets it? The Secret Society is a judgment-free space for people who are done with the stigma. 💛

Herpes doesn’t make you dirty. But shaming people for it? That’s what’s really gross.

Join the Secret Society

Jul 9, 2025 04:04pm

By Sabina Gaspirc

Under Herpes 101

3 min read