3 Ways Your Sex Life Improves with Herpes

3 Ways Your Sexlife Improves with Herpes alexandra harbushka

How a Herpes Diagnosis Improves Your Sex Life

The thought of having a healthy sex life and herpes usually don’t go together in the same sentence. I know when I was diagnosed with genital herpes the thought of having sex was disgusting to me. I can remember thinking that that was what got me in this mess and so now I have to pay for my mistakes. By the way… it took about 2 years to forgive myself and believe that I didn’t make a mistake and I didn’t do anything wrong. 

Then I got over the disgusting part and thought that I’d no longer be found desirable by anyone. Maybe I’d be desirable by someone who has herpes but still, I felt unsexy and therefore sex would be bad. Because of this I stayed with a guy who I knew wasn’t right for me because we both had herpes and so then it was easier than putting myself out there. Sex became a physical need and not a beautiful experience between two people. That idea was long gone. 

Ok so moving forward I can tell you that I got out of that dark place and learned to date men who didn’t have herpes and learned to feel sexy again and learned to enjoy sex. 

Here are 3 things I learned about how herpes can improve your sex life.

  1. Communication

Having herpes requires communication between you and your partner. So the communication piece has always been there but typically when there isn’t a herpes diagnosis or an STI  conversation that needs to happen we just don’t communicate with our partner. We either assume that everything's ok and nobody has an STD or we just decide to skip that part. When there’s herpes it is your obligation to tell your partner about your diagnosis. With that hard and important conversation, it opens up the opportunity for you and your partner to talk about other topics when it comes to sex. If you can talk about herpes then you can talk about other sexual needs. This is all really good news.

     2. Try new things

If there’s a herpes outbreak or a possible concern for a herpes outbreak then sometimes the conventional ways of having sex isn’t an option. But this doesn’t mean that you can’t try something else or try something different. Back to the communication part, you get to communicate with your partner and get outside of the box. It’s so common to fall into the same rut and follow the same pattern. Having herpes can get you outside your rhythm and you and your partner can try some new moves and techniques.  

      3. Intimacy

With intimacy, I feel like both the communication and trying new things combined create a new level of intimacy. When you communicate with your partner new boundaries of trust are reached and therefore your relationship grows deeper. If you’re not being open and expressing your needs or concerns or desires then in essence you’re shutting off a huge portion of intimacy. The same goes for the opportunity to explore and try new things sexually. If you can’t talk to your partner and open up then your intimacy is only going to go so deep. 

Of course, you can have all of these things without getting herpes. Obviously. But what I’ve heard from a ton of members in our Secret Society is having herpes in a way forced them to open up and stand up for what they want. What’s wrong with that? I know for me having herpes gave me or really forced me to communicate more, try new things with my husband, and in return, we have a pretty deep intimate connection. I mean...who doesn’t want that?

So if this topic is of interest to you, and honestly why wouldn’t it be we’re talking about sex, I interviewed Dr. Sami Longo-Disse who’s a sexological bodyworker, psychologist, and former sex worker. Her episode on the Life With Herpes Podcast is extremely interesting and we talk about connection, intimacy and so much more. So...if you want more then go check out her podcast interview here

Also, speaking of Sami, she’ll be speaking at our next Life With Herpes retreat so you’ll want to hear speak and of course have the opportunity to ask her questions. So you can go here to book your seat at our next event. 

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