Here’s Why It’s Safer to Date Someone with Herpes

The initial thought of dating someone with herpes usually isn’t that it’s safe or even a good idea for that matter. And trust me, just saying this makes me mad.  But we’re not going to go there with the stigma that’s for another episode.

But really it’s good news when your partner tells you upfront that they have herpes. Also, a total side note but something to consider is that it was probably a really hard conversation to have so you should make sure you acknowledge them for that disclosure. 

I want to get right to it and here’s the 3 reasons why it’s safe to date someone with herpes.

Your partner knows that they have herpes

I realize that this is captain obvious but your partner knows that they have herpes and this will help protect you.  Hear me out. 

Did you know that according to the CDC, 80% of the people with HSV 2 don’t know they have it!!!! That's a huge number and that means that when people say I’m clean or I don’t have it most likely they don’t even know. Back to STD testing and herpes outbreaks, most of the time when a person has a STD test herpes is not included on it. Then according to the World Health Organization (WHO) the majority of people with herpes are asymptomatic. 

So what this means is unless you’ve been tested for herpes and your partner has been tested for herpes you don’t really know for sure if you have herpes. This is the reason why the majority of transmissions occur without transmissions and usually without the person even knowing. 

When people don’t know they have something it’s pretty hard for them to protect or prevent the transmission.

You and your partner can decide on a plan to prevent transmission

When you and your partner know that there’s herpes involved and you want to protect transmission from one to another the great news is now you both can communicate and come up with a plan together.  Without your partner telling you or you telling them it just sets up the relationship for secrets, lies and hoping that they other person never finds out or gets it. 

There are a lot of different ways to protect your partner and prevent transmission. Like, condoms, taking antivirals and of course communicating. These are all key when doing your best to keep your virus to yourself. 

You’re partner will do their best to not put you in contact with the virus

Now that the cat’s out of the bag and everyone is on the same page you’re partner is going to do his or her best to prevent passing herpes to you. It’s going to require you as well to make sure that they feel comfortable about having open dialog with them about their outbreaks.  Things to discuss are like how often do you get outbreaks, or when was your last one, or do you feel one coming on. Just having dialog can make it not a big deal and help make your partner feel comfortable telling you. 

Just remember your partner doesn’t want to give you herpes. And your partner didn’t do anything wrong to get herpes. It was just the way the stars aligned. I can only think of 1 good reason why you wouldn’t want to date someone with herpes and it’s because you just don’t like them. Lol. That’s it. If you like them and are into them and want to be with them, there's no reason why a herpes diagnosis should get in the way. You never know, maybe you’re one of the 80% who doesn’t know they have herpes and maybe you have it too. 

I talk about this in depth on the Life With Herpes podcasts on my interview with Dr Aziz Gazipura  who is the world’s leading confidence expert. We spent an hour talking about confidence and dating and specifically dating with herpes. You can find the episode here. 

Also, if you’re finding yourself in the position where you need to tell your partner that you have herpes you should check out the Tell Your Partner Toolkit. It’s a series of videos that  guide you through the scary conversation and give you tools and scripts to disclose. 

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