Life After Herpes…and Dreams Coming True

I married the love of my life in May 2026. I found out I was pregnant in June 2026. And as a closure of my single season, shortly after that, I released my first song, Love story, all about the journey of wrestling through my single season.

If I could have told my “2017-newly-diagnosed-herpes-self” how I’m living now, I don’t think she would have believed me.

My life was never over after I had a herpes diagnosis. Instead, it was the precursor to the most amazing season I’ve ever lived. (And it’s only getting started.)

It’s been a quite a breath and a beat since I last got a chance to write a guest blog here. There has been no order in my life. In the most beautiful of ways, it’s just been only daily living. My life the last 8 months looks like that of a wildly colorful tie dye piece—there’s no knowing of where one color ends and another begins. There are no certain shapes, just a symphony of color intertwined. Random and yet perfectly designed all at the same time.

As I thought about saying one last thing and wrapping up this guest blog series, I was planning to write about how to disclose and share a herpes diagnosis with someone you want to pursue a romantic relationship with.

It can be the most tender disclosure of all. After all, the experience of finding out about herpes comes down to this question for a lot of people…
Am I lovable? Can I be seen and fully known and still be loved?

And I’ll do that, but with a bit more “truth in love” than I might have said even a year ago, because the advice is straightforward, simple, and time-tested. And it’s the advice I wish I would have gotten, hard as it would have been to digest it at the time.

01. WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE TO HAVE SEX

This seems so basic to some and probably so wildly impossible to others.

Those who courageously follow age-old wisdom to wait until marriage to have sex (even if they didn’t in the past), will first have far less heartbreak and, specific to the sexual health conversation, far less anxiety about who they are having to disclose to.

Being abstinent or celibate in a culture where sex is first these days takes wild strength. And despite what the world may echo to you, this doesn’t make you weird, this makes you wise.

You will naturally not have to worry about sharing the diagnosis with just anyone, but at some point with the one you decide is worth being fully seen by. You will also quickly filter through people who aren’t in it fully for you or who don’t intend to marry you.

More than that, you will find yourself at the end of yourself and at the beginning of true peace—one where something beyond pleasure or your body defines you.

02. DISCLOSE WHEN YOU ARE ON THE PATH TO MARRIAGE

I disclosed to my now husband when I knew he was the one I could see myself marrying and wanted to marry, and when I knew his heart posture for me was of marriage as well. For me that happened to be quickly into knowing him. We were engaged 2 months after meeting and married 7 months after we first met. So, to tell you a formulaic way of a certain amount of time seems like a moot point, as it’ll vary for your story and conviction.

And because we had decided to not have sex until marriage it wasn’t about “protecting him”, it was more so he could know my past. Know the fullness of me. It was more so I could stop protecting myself.

Did I feel nervous? Sure.

But in response, guess what? Our intimacy deepened as he played “The Shame Game” himself and shared his own shame in response. We both were more seen.
The fullness of love does not live alongside shame, lies, hiding, or judgement.

The fullness of love lives in vulnerability, authenticity, serving, and empathizing alongside others in and with truth.

If you lose “the love of your life” you thought you had because of you sharing your story, it wasn’t love. Love that is lost from sharing your story was never love to begin with.

03. DON’T GO SMALL. BELIEVE BIG.

I, along with Alexandra, are living proof to not give up on your dreams and prayers. The only reason we should set our dreams and prayers down is when we’re ready to surrender fully and watch God replace them with things beyond your imagination.

Here’s my rally cry to you: Refuse to accept anything less than radically-joy-filling-servant-oriented-love-and-partnership.

I learned even my “high standards” were still wildly low compared to God’s desires and definitions.

Want a litmus test to check-in on if you’re accepting less? Here’s two I collected in my single season from others and the last I came up with myself. It’ll make it super simple.

1) Is this person someone you would want to become more like in 3 months? 3 years? 30 years?
2) Would you trust your future kids with this person, or do you desire to create kids that reflect them?
3) Is there anything you’re hiding or not saying that needs to be said?
Sit with any or all three of those questions and your conscious will be hard to hide from.
When you meet the right person, these questions will not bring alarm, just more peace.

04. SEEK TO KNOW GOD, JESUS, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT FIRST.

This last point should be first. But I wanted to save the best for last.

There’s a heavenly Love that’s life-transforming and available now. Your past is not only accepted and understood, it can actually be washed clean.

Best yet, anything you divulge, God already knows. Anything you’ve walked through, Jesus has felt himself. Any place you find yourself in, the Spirit can be with you.

If you know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as a relationship and not as a religion, you know the truth of this.

If you’ve been church hurt, dislike religion (especially those “Christians” who shame more than love others), or think Christ is comparable to the other “religious figures” of the world. I lovingly challenge you:
Let God prove you wrong. Sincerely, ask God to reveal Himself, His Word, and His Love for you.

And hold on tight, because if there’s one thing I know about my Father in Heaven, He loves to be more fully known by everyone who seeks Him.
All His light,

Lindsey Ellyn

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I’m Lindsey Ellyn, author of The Shame Game: A Countercultural Approach to Overcoming Shame and Improving Mental, Relational, and Sexual Health, and I’m thrilled to be joining the Life with Herpes blog as a guest contributor.

I’ll be writing a blog series right here, diving into the complex—and often taboo—topics like shame, identity, and sexual health.

My book and my work are all about showing people how to win the game against shame by doing what shame doesn’t want you to do: speak about your shame and connect with others.

Shame doesn’t want you to live an abundant life. So, if you’ve ever felt stuck in shame or like you’re the only one going through it—you are so not alone, and this space is for you.

To learn more about me and my work, head over to my website at www.lindseyellyn.com, sign up for my newsletter if that suits you, and/or check out my book here.