How Herpes Brought Me From Lost to Found

Before I had been diagnosed with herpes, I didn’t realize how lost I was in my own life.

Everything I was doing was based on how the world told me to live, was focused on the glamorization of sin (although I didn’t use that language at the time), and the complete disintegration of all aspects of myself.

It was hearing things around me like:

“You need to explore your body to know what you like.”

“It’s what people do.”

“That’s normal.” (For things that should not be normal.)

But it was also the things not said and assumed that hurt just the same:

“This is what porn looked like.”

“This is what men like.”

Those things led me to a path just as dark.

I didn’t know I was lost, until herpes revealed just how far down the path I was—one where I was so concerned about everyone’s opinions and mindlessly copying and pasting what the world told me to do.

I was told I would find myself by having sex before marriage.

The reality was I lost myself by having sex before marriage.

It wasn’t until God came into the picture, followed by my belief in Jesus, and then the awareness of the Holy Spirit, where I started to find who I was made to be.

The Bible (and Ten Commandments) I turned my head away from for decades wasn’t the prison some spoke of it as.

Instead, the prison formed when I didn’t follow the wisdom of the Bible or have a relationship with the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and God.

As I slowly started to give my life to following God instead of following my own whims, I started to realize that the chains I had longed walked in started falling off.

Freedom started coming. And once it started, all I wanted was more.

More freedom. Less feeling lost.

More freedom. More feeling found.

You might not have the same story as me when it comes to when you were diagnosed with herpes, but I might imagine if you’re reading this, there is a piece of you that feels lost. There’s a piece of you that’s desiring to be found.

I don’t know what your lost piece is, but God does. He knows all of our lost pieces. He knew mine, He knows more of mine still, and He knows yours.

Mostly because He knows what pieces of us don’t reflect Him yet. He knows what pieces don’t reflect His original creation of us.

Any shame, fear, pride, ego, gossip, materialism, greed, dishonesty…the list is long…reveals a missing piece in us that God desires to fill with more of Him and more of the Fruits of the Spirit.

In Jeremiah, there is a common verse shared amongst Christian circles:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

It’s easy to stop there because it’s about what God promises us. But the part I get excited about, is 12 through 14 that provides how to find the missing piece, or should I say the missing peace.

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.”

Jeremiah 29:12-14 (NIV)

In sin, we are lost. In God, we are found.

Seek God over the world. Seek God over others’ opinions. Seek God over a diagnosis. Seek God over your desires.

Seek God with your whole heart. When you seek Him, He will be found.

God doesn’t hide from us. He wants to help us. He wants us healed.

All my light,

Lindsey Ellyn