I’m Brave Because I Talk About Herpes

People often tell me I’m “brave” because I talk openly about herpes. And every time I hear it, I can’t help but think: why should this even be considered brave? We’re talking about a virus — one that’s incredibly common, ridiculously easy to catch, and in no way a reflection of someone’s worth. Kids get it. People in committed relationships get it. Partners who cheat pass it on. People who have been assaulted carry it. Yet somehow, herpes is still wrapped in stigma and silence.

And please, don't get me wrong. I appreciate every such comment. Yes, it was hard to start talking about it. I had hundreds of excuses why I shouldn't do it, even after I've already decided this is it.

The truth is, talking about herpes shouldn’t require courage. And yet, because of the shame and misconceptions that surround it, so many of us suffer in silence. That’s why every time someone speaks up — whether it’s sharing their story, opening up to a partner, or even asking a question in a support group — it feels radical.

Herpes doesn’t discriminate—it finds its way into people’s lives in countless ways, most of which have nothing to do with “recklessness” or “bad choices.”

And yet, here we are, treating herpes like a moral flaw instead of the virus it is. It remains one of the most stigmatized conditions, even though it’s far less harmful than many other illnesses people openly discuss without shame. When someone has the flu, strep throat, or COVID, nobody calls them “brave” for talking about it. But bring up herpes, and suddenly the room goes quiet.

The truth is, it shouldn’t require bravery to talk about herpes. What it requires is honesty—and honesty shouldn’t come with a price tag of stigma or shame. By labeling people “brave” for sharing their diagnosis, we’re indirectly admitting how heavy society has made this burden. We’ve created an environment where something so human, so normal, is treated like a secret you need to protect at all costs.

But here’s the good news: the more we talk, the more we normalize. Every conversation chips away at the stigma. Every story told makes space for another person to feel less alone. Talking about herpes out loud—whether in a support group, to a partner, or even publicly—isn’t about bravery; it’s about reclaiming the narrative from shame.

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