From Unknown to Known: Hope After Herpes

I believe before we start any relationship, we must start at the basics first. Sometimes we must call out the obvious first.

In this case, the obvious thing is everything I don’t know about you.

So, let’s start there, with what I don’t know about you:

I don’t know the situation that brought about the skin condition.
If you were single/dating and having “sex outside a marriage” (or if not having “sex outside of marriage” was/is even a moral value you had in scope).
If it was one of those examples where someone was asymptomatic and wasn’t aware.
If you were or weren’t married. 
If infidelity was or wasn’t part of the picture.

I don’t know your feelings after being diagnosed with the skin condition.
If you experienced suicidality like I did.
If you kept it close to your chest and didn’t tell anyone because of fear and/or shame.
If you didn’t blink and kept operating like normal.

I don’t know your experience of the symptoms that can arise.
If you have frequent or infrequent symptoms.
If after the first outbreak, you never had another one.
If it’s painful or just a nuisance.
If you’re taking medicine or supplements or if you’ve overhauled your holistic health or haven’t done a thing differently.
If despite all understanding, you were one of the people who have been healed and/or are on a healing journey by God (and I sure hope you’re proclaiming

this testimony to others if so!).

Here’s what I do know:

 Your identity is not defined by this virus and you don’t have to keep holding onto the virus like it’s a part of who you are

 Your life and purpose are not derailed by this virus

 You can still have meaningful relationships, and in fact, I believe even healthier and more meaningful relationships than before

 You’re not alone in what you’re experiencing, even if you’ve never met someone in real life who shared a similar story

 You can walk spiritually and/or physically healed from the virus, even if that feels scientifically “impossible”

One day—and that day can be today—you can stop letting herpes, or any diagnosis, define your identity.
It doesn’t need to lodge itself in between your first and last name like a label. Instead, it can just be a part of your past, not a reflection of your future.

Best of all those things, here’s what I do know:
I don’t need to know everything about you, because God does. He knows both of us more intimately than we even know ourselves.

And if you don’t know who God is, if you don’t know who Jesus is, if you haven’t experienced the Holy Spirit—I pray this becomes a seed planted or watered.

I’m excited to go on a journey with you in this guest series. I welcome you to reply and engage with me directly.

Thanks for creating space not only for me and my story, but thanks for creating space for your own here too.

All my light,

Lindsey Ellyn

I’m Lindsey Ellyn, author of The Shame Game: A Countercultural Approach to Overcoming Mental, Relational, and Sexual Shame, and I’m thrilled to be joining the Life with Herpes blog as a guest contributor.

Starting this month, I’ll be writing a monthly blog series right here, diving into the complex—and often taboo—topics like shame, identity, and sexual health.

My book and my work are all about showing people how to win the game against shame by doing what shame doesn’t want you to do: speak about your shame and connect with others.

Shame doesn’t want you to live an abundant life. So, if you’ve ever felt stuck in shame or like you’re the only one going through it—you are so not alone, and this space is for you.

To learn more about me and my work, head over to my website at www.lindseyellyn.com, sign up for my newsletter if that suits you, and/or check out my book here.