Before You Worry About Their Reaction, Ask: Do I Even Want This Person in My Life?
Why We Forget to Evaluate Our Own Standards When Disclosing Herpes
Disclosing your herpes status can feel like standing on a cliff’s edge, waiting to see if your partner will catch you or let you fall. The fear of rejection is real—so real that we often forget to ask ourselves one crucial question:
"Do I actually want this person in my life?"
We get so caught up in their potential judgment that we skip over our own standards. But here’s the truth: A relationship is a two-way street. If you’re stressing over whether they’ll accept your herpes, shouldn’t you also be asking whether you accept them—flaws, baggage, and all?
The Double Standard in Herpes Disclosure
Think about it:
- You worry they’ll see you as "dirty" or "damaged" because of herpes.
- But have you ever stopped to consider their deal-breakers? Their emotional baggage? Their habits or attitudes that might not align with what you need?
Herpes doesn’t make you unworthy—but the wrong partner can make you feel that way. Disclosure isn’t just about their acceptance of you; it’s about your acceptance of them, too.
Flip the Script: Are They Worth Your Vulnerability?
Before you disclose, ask yourself:
✔ Do they handle tough conversations with maturity? (If they shut down or judge easily, how will they handle bigger life challenges?)
✔ Do their values align with yours? (Herpes is just one part of you—what about the rest?)
✔ Would you still want them if they had an STI? (You can very easily say NO. We simply don't like some people enough to want to risk it.)
If you’re constantly twisting yourself into knots to earn their approval, that’s a red flag. The right person won’t make you feel like you’re auditioning for their acceptance.
Herpes Is a Filter—Not a Flaw
Instead of seeing herpes as a hurdle, try reframing it: It’s a filter for people who aren’t right for you.
- The wrong person will make you feel small for something you can’t control.
- The right person will see you—not just a virus.
If you’re struggling with how to disclose, our Tell Your Partner Toolkit walks you through the conversation with confidence.
You Deserve Mutual Acceptance
Herpes doesn’t lower your worth—but settling for less than you deserve does. Before you stress over their reaction, ask yourself:
"Is this someone I genuinely want in my life?"
Because the right person won’t just accept your herpes—they’ll make you feel like it was never a big deal to begin with.
Here's a toolkit that will help you disclose. You'll be ready tonight (if you binge watch all the clips ).
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