What to Know when Dating Someone with Herpes
So the person you’re into just told you that they have herpes. Now what?
Honestly, this is great news. This person really cares about you and is doing what he or she can do to try to prevent transmission. Transmissions occur less often when a disclosure takes place because the person with herpes can take precautionary methods to help avoid transmission.
But here are 5 things you need to know about dating someone with herpes.
1. Firstly, you need to know that that person really cares about you and is interested in building a strong foundation with you. It’s so often that people with herpes don’t disclose either because they don’t know they have it, don’t think that their partner will get it or are too afraid to tell their partner that they have herpes.
2. Second, you can tell a lot about their character. Again, it’s harder to disclose than not disclose.This person is wanting to have a really hard conversation and risk the fact that you might reject him or her because of wanting to do the right thing. I’d say this person is a keeper.
3. Third, when there is a disclosure and both people are on the same page with how to prevent transmission there is typically less transmission. When both of you can agree on methods you’re going to use to protect one another then you both can commit to that. When disclosure doesn’t happen the person living with herpes might not disclose they ‘re having an outbreak and just go along with having sex because of the awkward conversation.
4. The forth thing you need to know is that just because this person has herpes it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about their sexual health. We think that when someone has a STI they must not care or never got checked or whatever. This is not at all what it means. In fact, it’s really important that you both go get checked for STIs prior to sleeping together. There are other STIs out there than herpes and let's make sure that all things have been addressed.
5. And finally now that you know your partner has herpes there are ways to prevent transmission together. You and your partner can agree on what you both feel comfortable with and don’t feel comfortable with. You can agree on things like taking antivirals, using condoms, or not doing anything at all. The good news here is that you both are on the same page about it and you can know the stats. Condoms prevent transmission by 30-50% of the time, and antivirals lessen the transmission rate by 50 % (source). A herpes positive female has about a 4% chance of transmitting herpes to a non herpes male using no condom, no antivirals and does not have an outbreak. And a herpes positive male has about a 10% chance of transmitting herpes to a non herpes female using no condom, no antivirals and does not have an outbreak
I have a toolkit that puts together all the information you’d want to know about herpes. Turning to google is the worst…don’t do that. Lol. Anyway, there everything you’d want to know and I’d recommend checking it out so that you know all you can about the herpes virus.