123: Importance Of Putting Your Ego Aside And Telling Your Partner About Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka

Life With Herpes


The ego is a really strong influence on our lives. The ego has some really good quality and of course, it can have some bad qualities.

The ego has many definitions and to some, it can be described as the little devil that sits on your shoulder. But the ego is basically a little voice inside you that wants to feel special and wants to prove it’s self. At the same time, the ego could be seen as it’s lacking confidence so it needs to be boisterous and the life of the part.  Regardless, we all have an ego and it can take years and practice learning how to manage it and not let it take over us.

Back to the bad qualities of our ego friend. Our ego doesn’t like being wrong, it doesn’t like being made fun of, and it most certainly can’t take criticism. And guess what the stigma has made herpes out to be? All of the above. By saying, “I have herpes!” to the ego this translates as I F@C%ED UP. Not at all what the ego’s about. The ego is all about winning and proving that you’ve always made the right choices.

Some traits of people who let their ego take over might go into the victim role and blame others for their mistake or loss or whatever. So in the situation of having herpes, it’s so easy to point the finger at the person who gave you herpes or the person you think gave you herpes. It’s so easy to say they just ruined my life and now I’m not going to ______ insert whatever you want. Not going to get married, not going to ever find someone who loves me, not ever going to have the career of my dreams, not ever going to whatever because of the A$$ HOLE who gave me herpes. This blame game is really not helpful to anyone. It doesn’t help you and all it does is build up your ego.

Ok, so the key thing here is to get your ego out of the way especially when it comes to telling your partner that you have herpes. For all the reasons I’ve listed above the ego doesn’t want to admit its wrong or put its self in a position to I  can be the brunt of the joke or gossip. But I’m sure we all can admit that it’s going to be the best and long term only option for a relationship.

We’ve gone over and over why it’s important to tell your partner about having herpes and of course we’ve discussed why its a really uncomfortable and potentially painful conversation. I want you to remember that it’s your ego who doesn't want you to share this. It’s your egos way of saying I’m scared $h!tless and I don't want to be in this position. Well, its tough beans for your ego.

So as silly as it sounds this is what I want you to do,  let your ego know that it’ok that she’s (or he’s) scared. Heck, you’re scared too. But you know that this is going to be the best thing for your relationship and you really want to move forward with this partner.

Once you have the convo and let him or her know then your ego will calm down. It will either be proved wrong or try to prove that it was right. Just know that you need to put your ego aside and bite the bullet.

Take a deep breath and have the conversation!


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