007: Bringing Radical Honesty and Safety to Sex with Dr. Samadhi Longo-Disse

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Honesty, Ignorance, and Herpes


Welcome to Life With Herpes, I’m excited you are here! Today we have a delightful guest, Dr. Samadhi Longo-Disse who is here with us. Dr. Sami, as I call her, is a wonderfully wise woman and a certified sexological bodyworker. On episode 7 of Life with Herpes we talk about the importance of honesty and communication in your sex life, and why tapping into your sexual energy in a healthy way is so important. You’ll hear that and more on today’s edition of Life With Herpes.


More About Life With Herpes


Talking about sex, whether specifically about herpes or not, is something that doesn’t come easily to most of us. Generation after generation has been told that sex is bad, and the sex-related parts of our bodies are taboo. Dr. Sami goes so far as to say we’ve all been sexually abused because of this.


And as a result of these taboos, we have no valuable, good and authentic sexual education that is widely available to vast audiences. There are people starting to make this knowledge accessible to the public, but by and large, most of us are ignorant about the connections between our sexuality, our bodies, and our emotions. And that leads to problems within ourselves and our relationships.


Herpes is an example of this. It's growing as a diagnosis, and many people have no idea they have it. In fact, 70% of transmissions happen when the person with herpes is not having an outbreak.

We have to change this through communication and through knowledge. Armed with both we can create safe environments for open discussions with our partners, and safe environments lead to great sex. From a biological perspective when we can feel safe our organs know it: the penis can become erect, the vagina lubricates and the makings of great sex are all there. It’s the same with GLBT relationships: lubrication and erection are important.


Dr. Sami explains that the blood vessels only engorge when you are relaxed and they only relax when you feel safe. So practicing safe sex can provide this type of environment for you and your partner. And be sure to do so during foreplay too.


The first step to creating this safety is to talk about what kind of an atmosphere you want to create, let your sexual expression become conscious. The more in touch with your body you are the more in touch you can become with your partner and they with you. The more conscious the sex the greater it is! This is a practice that leads to ecstatic sex, something you can't have it without feeling safe.


Unfortunately, most people learn about sex through pornography, movies or friends and Dr. Sami says that's the blind leading the blind! That is not a proper sexual education,

we have to learn from people who have learned it and experienced it themselves.

Tweetable:  “Safety is the foundation of great sex.” - Dr. Samadhi Longo-Disse

In terms of what she offers for sex education, we talk about what happens when someone comes to her when they have herpes. Typically they come to her when they are in a state of confusion, fear, frustration or panic - or some combination of those. Often people have just been diagnosed, or they think they may have it or they simply “feel funny”.


First, she sits with them and helps them express the pain and the fear. She starts by having them breathe deeply to calm down, which allows them to open up to their pain. Their pain is usually what is at the root of their fear.


Once the person is in touch with the pain and the grief and they are allowed to express those feelings, they can openly talk about what happened. But they can't get down to that until they’ve filtered through their pain. From there they can talk about what to do next and how to talk about their situation with their partner. Today we also talk about what she recommends for people who have herpes and haven't told their partner yet, how to talk about it and why it’s so important to always use a condom. We cover those topics and wrap up with a discussion on radical honesty. Join us for this enlightening and safe conversation with Dr. Sami on episode 7 of Life With Herpes.

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